Your Guide in the Himalayas

From Pokhara to Annapurna Base Camp, and back, in what is more widely known as the Annapurna Sanctuary Trek. Ask any travel/trekking agent/company that you would want to finish the trek in just 5 days and the only definite reaction that you will get in the end is the expression, “impossible!” 

Pokhara Airport Tower and terminal building, 2016.

A chartered helicopter flight may be possible, but what good is such a mode of transport in the wilderness? You would not want a pre-digested-and-blended glass of breakfast as that! You would like to have a bite, some time to chew, and then swallow, and find the feeling of satisfaction rather than blend egg, juice, salad, slices of bread, jam, butter, and ingredients such as coffee together into one big glass and then drink the resulting concoction!!! Where is the satisfaction in that? You would rather walk the trail admiring the scenery, curse the harsh demands of the trail, drag your heavy legs with the help of a stick, feel the silence, smell the air, take some pictures, sweat over… as you would invariably taste different items in your breakfast table. But just 5 days, you say?

An indirect answer. Maybe, Madame, you would like to consider. Sir, we recommend this, or that. We take care of this and that and those. We provide our own guide and/or porter. Damn! The final answer is still a big “IMPOSSIBLE” to your initial quest (or query).

Boats in Phewa Lake, Pokhara.

There are many things a travel/trekking company in Nepal (or elsewhere in the world) will never tell you about. You pay about US $ 2000 for the trip under discussion here and you relax. Everything will be taken care of once you sign the documents or agree to the terms and conditions set forth. You don’t have to worry about food, bed or breakfast, and the itinerary. And you even get a guide who speaks with broken and oftentimes incomplete or incorrect English, and a porter if you ask for it. Oftentimes, your porter is your guide and the conversations lower down to a basic minimum as he would not talk much because he has not even completed his basic high school, and his communication skills are poor. You walk on your own, you set your own pace, and you walk the trail as if you are meant to walk. No relationship exists between you and your guide/porter for the most part, as most porters/guides simply work for the travel/trekking company, rather than working for you!

Come on. Grow a bit. The moment you agree to the terms and conditions of an agency/company, your pace is set, believe it or not, and you are not in control anymore, no matter what the appearances seem to be. From Pokhara to NayaPul, and even up to Ghandruk, your travel/trek agency will provide a vehicle. You then spend the first night there. Then your next night will be in Chhomroong, and your third night/stop will be at Bamboo, or Himalaya, and then the fourth will be at Machhapuchhre Base Camp, or even at Annapurna Base Camp itself… You may feel like you are setting your own pace but it has been set for you by the trekking company, and you do not even know about it.

OK. That was your trip. So what, you may ask. Your money, your trip. If you travel in a group, and one of the members gets unwell by any chance, you are bound to return, because the contract is binding: your guide has to attend to the sick person and you cannot travel without him. There is no option for you but to follow your guide no matter what. Or imagine the scenario when you would very much like to continue to the next point before you call it a day, but your guide does not agree. Damn, it’s a trap!

Climbing up after Kimrong River crossing.

Many of the trekkers don’t even know about altitude sickness and the problem it creates in the Himalayas. Himalayas are a completely different mountains with a distinctive climate and weather pattern of their own and unlike the Alps, they demand respect: you either bow to them or suffer the consequences. Owing to their geographic location, their vicinity to the equator, the speed at which the location moves around as the earth rotates, all of this create unique weather patterns and micro-climates that will test the limits of your stamina and physical fitness together with your body’s mechanisms of adjustment and adaptation. Here is the point: 3300m above sea level may never be the same for your body when you are in the Himalayas as you are in the Alps. So, be aware! But does your travel/trek company even talk to you about it? Does it tell you what you should do before you start? Is your guide sufficiently trained in first aid measures? A showy first aid box IS NOT the whole story when your porter/guide does not even know how to put a bandage, or CANNOT STOP YOU from taking alcoholic liquors when you are above 3000m! [You can take liquors, sure, but only when you know the limits of your body. If you are well acclimatized, you can drink, no problem.] It is YOUR money, sure, but damn you, if you do! I would rather prefer you vex your anger and retort rather than you get sick or throw up everything you have had swallowed!!

I have heard a local guide tell someone to call a helicopter but does he even know how much it costs? Or whether you are able to afford it or not?? And what about unreliable telephone coverage??? Would you wait and suffer worse, or would you rather follow the trail and make sure you feel better? [Ask any mountaineer, and he will tell you that the best you can do is “descend down, without any delay; and as fast as you can!” Or would you rather wait, for uncertainty???!!!!!] Why give wrong advice, I ask you?? The most sensible thing you can do is get down to a lower altitude, and if you can walk, where does a helicopter come in??? I do not know the answer other than the very simple reason that the agent can pocket a huge chunk of money you pay for the helicopter services. You can perfectly enjoy another trekking route, as beautiful as the first one, with that much money!!

Hinku Cave, between Himalaya and MBC.

Do you get enough photographic opportunities? Good opportunities?? Do you get told in advance about what you can do, and what you cannot?? What is permissible, and what not? What are the essentials you need to carry, and what can be useless or redundant?? Do you even know what is the best fresh healthy balanced food you can get along the trails????

Can you do that trek/trip in just 5 days?

If you have a right attitude, a right stamina, a fit physique, it is completely possible. I do not know about others, but with me it is possible; I make sure that it is. And I am not your average travel guide.

I am different.

I am NOT associated with any agency, and hence you can save money on commissions! I am also MORE than your porter/guide in MANY WAYS. No documents will prove it; there are people who can testify. But I can provide you with a knife to sleep with and feel secure, or feel free to use it if not. That’s what I can guarantee!

I do not boast of anything like your trek/travel agent but I do not also come low quality. I bring much more with me: I come as a guide, as your first aid and safety advisor, as your paramedic, as your social/cultural advisor, as your photographer/photographic advisor, and as your friend.

"Mountains are not stadiums where I satisfy my ambition to achieve, they are the cathedrals where I practice my religion," reads Anatoli Boukreev's quote from his memorial chorten at Annapurna Base Camp. [Boukreev breathed his last on 25 December 1997 while attempting to climb Annapurna I. He was caught in an avalanche at around noon that day!]

So, is it possible? Five days??

Annapurna Base Camp, just before sunrise.

I have been there. I have taken a “friend” [I do not use the word "client/s"] there and we have been back: a total of 5 days. No health problems, no safety issues, no trust issues, no hard feelings, no negativities. And we did not miss anything: many others we met on our way missed a lot (Some suffered from altitude sickness; others missed photographic opportunities). 

It was possible for us.  [And we had already done Kathmandu -- Gosain Kunda trek in Langtang National Park, and Jomsom -- Muktinath trek in lower Mustang, previously.]

YOU decide the rest.

[ Text and photographs by the author. All rights reserved. © 2016. For more photographs from the author, please contact the author, or visit his National Geographic page, at https://members.nationalgeographic.com/621978215984/ ]   

Pilgrimage along The Poisonous Trail

Relatives? Siblings?? Parents??? Family????
After I got abandoned to my own fate, I became a wanderer: a wanderer of sorts; both within, and without.

Family gone, property gone. Job, income, money... I had almost nothing. A midlife crisis, one would say, but I am a believer in my own way. Then came a friend who wished to visit sacred and holy places where Shiva dwelt, one way or another. We had already done a major pilgrimage, in PashupatiNath, within the confines of the Valley called Kathmandu itself. Relatively nothing once you are in Kathmandu. The centuries old temple on the right bank of Bagmati River is a place of rituals for Kathmanduites like myself. Once I die, I would be burnt there: fire, ashes, smoke... I had already composed a poetic piece about my fate as that.

But for my friend it was not enough. NO, it would not be enough even for myself so easily. I agreed without a hesitation. It happened during a time when the celestial spheres had a different note, a different music to play.
 
Planetary Positions

Uranus Opposition: midlife crisis. Sun in Pisces; Mercury in Pisces; Uranus in Pisces. Goodness, it’s about long-distance travels, voyages, journeys, pilgrimages…

Uranus

Uranus rules surprise and all things unexpected. It also rules the future and new technology, including all that is newly invented and all that is un-imagined and yet to come.

Innovative, unpredictable, resourceful, imaginative, idiosyncratic and experimental, Uranus also rules creativity and scientific genius. Uranus' job is to break rules and demolish established patterns or structures, creating sudden, even radical, change. Uranus always works in sudden ways, and is called the Great Awakener.

Uranus gives a strong impulse for rebellion, independence, and even shock. Exciting and liberating, Uranus will overturn anything traditional, conventional or orthodox that it deems has outlived its usefulness.

This planet produces quick, liberating results, blending fact with intuition in its quest to discover universal truths. Uranus is considered the higher octave of intellectual Mercury, and is strongly objective and brainy, with no emotional side. Those people with strong Uranian influences in their charts are trailblazers and forerunners in their communities.

Since Uranus also holds sway over social change, it also regulates the global brotherhood of man and all humanitarian concerns, including environmental issues. Uranus rules the Aquarius. Finally, Uranus rules astrology.

This planet stays in a sign for seven years and therefore takes 84 years to circle the zodiac.

Mercury

This little guy is the mythological messenger, communicating information to one and all. Mercury represents non-emotional, highly rational, objective thought. Its placement in a sign determines that sign’s intellectual style. As a quickly moving planet, Mercury is flexible, responsive and adaptable. A big part of Mercury’s job is to disburse information; as such it rules perception, language, writing, editing, research, speaking, all kinds of learning experiences and learning styles and the assessment of data. It rules telecommunications, computing, software, electronic gadgets, the postal service, shipping, couriers, and all forms of transportation. This planet has a LOT of responsibility.

When Mercury is retrograde, it scrambles information, causes static and confusion. Its effects are felt universally. Mercury retrograde episodes are highly unreliable to sign contracts, complete important transactions, access accurate information or make big decisions.

The sign and house in which Mercury resides in one’s chart reveals a great deal about that person’s natural style of gathering and giving out information. Mercury also rules sibling relationships, maps, letters, travel plans, appointments, roadways, vehicles, advertising, publishing, sales, and public relations.

Mercury rules both Gemini and Virgo. Mercury spends about two-three weeks in each sign, but when it retrogrades, which it does three to four times a year, it can stay in one sign as long as ten weeks. Never far from the Sun, it takes about one year to circle the zodiac.

The Sun

As seen from Earth, the Sun is the brightest star in the universe. It is the center of our solar system, and the vital heart in any horoscope. Without the Sun, there would be no life. The Sun rules your will, your pride, your determination, your heart, health and vitality, the recognition you receive for work well done, your sense of purpose, and motivation for future goals. It is you, the individual. The Sun is your ego, governing how you see yourself, your self-esteem. It represents you, the individual. This planet also determines how others view you. An essentially masculine force, the Sun also wields influence over the significant men in your life, especially those in positions of authority. This may be your father, your current boyfriend or your husband, a guy-friend, or a male boss or client.

The Sun rules all daylight. In the same way it rules public recognition and self-image by illuminating who we are, the Sun also clarifies the characteristics any planet it touches and reveals truths about that planet. For example, if the Sun and Jupiter communicate in a special configuration, Jupiter’s goodness would be illuminated and made even more brilliant by the Sun. Under the nurturing light of the Sun, Jupiter’s strengths intensify, as do the benefits it bestows upon us.

The Sun takes one year to move through all twelve constellations (signs) of the zodiac. The Sun guards the heart. It is the ruler of the sign of Leo.

Pisces

Pisces have an intuitive and psychic ability more then any other zodiac signs. Pisces is the sign of mysticism, mystery and the spiritual unknown. Pisces have formidable intuitive ability. Most Pisces are somehow involved with occult or spiritualism. Pisces are very good at understanding people for they have the ability to delve into the psyche and see behind a person's motivations. Pisces are not the pushovers that they may seem, in fact they have strength of character and will stand up for what they believe in and they can do hard work for something they believe in. They can be very lazy but only in matters that they do not care about. Pisces is the most sensitive of all zodiac signs.

Having said all that about the planets, their transits and all the significance it all merits, a spiritually inclined friend had a knack of an idea to visit some divine holy place, where Shiva could be found, in some sort of a pilgrimage, and I had to comply. I am an eager traveller myself, as opportunity permits, and this was one not to be missed. It is not that I do not like to travel, I very much love to, beyond measure, but the pilgrimage chosen was a difficult one, and was fraught with many dangers. It is not that I am incapable of protecting my friends in times of need, but at some point one has to realize one’s limits and needs to plan and act accordingly. My friend chose to go to Gosain-Kunda, a high-Himalayan lake of many legends.

It was early spring. Lower down the valley, the days have already begun to grow uncomfortably hot. But as we climbed up, there were still no signs of new buds except some rhododendron flowers reddening the forest greens. The afternoon air was still chilly and the morning, cold. Trails were still covered in snow after we crossed the 3300m mark. During the day, the snow melted, and the trails became wet and soft; in the afternoon as the sun grew to the west and its energy subsided, cold winds blew and the path froze again. Icy winds lapped the mountainsides with much ferocity. This trail is not for the faint-hearted or for the careless. Here, you need to respect the mountains, if you fail you simply become forgotten!

What then? You might ask. It’s just a lake, no?

NO, NOT AT ALL. It’s not just a lake as that, it is Shiva’s Lake, at an altitude of 4380m, and one has to climb up to 4400m just to have a glimpse of it. Imagine, an altitude where experienced mountaineers need about 7 days for acclimatization before actually being there!

This is a story of legends, of old times, of some distant past. The gods and demons both agreed they needed to churn the Sea to produce some elixirs, just as they use the butter churn to produce butter. They used Mount Sumeru as the churn while Shesh Naga, the serpent god, agreed to be used as the rope. They wound the rope around the mountain and tugged from opposite sides; the sea thundered in turbulence, the universe shook with the sheer force. After ages had passed, two entities with two different qualities surfaced: one was the Immortalizing Elixir, “amrita”, while the other was the Universe-destroying Dark Poison called “Kalakut Veesh”.

The vessels were brought, the elixir was safely kept in one. They could not contain the poison as it would destroy the surrounding even with its mere vapour. What would happen to the universe if it got spilled???

Quickly realizing that there was no safe place to contain the poison, Lord Shiva hastily gulped it. Damn!!! The poison could not go down to the stomach as it would kill Shiva, and the Universe Herself, so it chose to stay where it was: declining to go down the throat, the Poison chose to get stuck inside Shiva’s throat… And Shiva, with the Hell-burning Pain in his throat, became helpless in alleviating the suffering it caused. He ran…!

Ordinary solution would not help in any way, no! He needed something cold enough to put the fire in his throat down. He climbed the Himalayas in faltering steps, oftentimes coughing along the way. Tiny cough droplets laden with traces of the poison soon spread out along the trail. Higher and higher He went, and when he could go no further because of the pain, he struck the ground with his trident the force of which made a huge bowl. Icy waters soon filled the “bowl of the mountain” and Shiva then reclined beneath the surface, merely to put the “fire of the poison” down.

Many pilgrims suffer from altitude sickness along the trail while climbing up and need to be evacuated every year during the monsoon season when the major pilgrimage falls, for mysterious reasons. And where there are no vehicles, it is a risky venture fraught with dangers when the only thing that can carry you down to a safer altitude is another human being. The legend says it happens because of the poisons spread there due to Shiva’s coughing. Others assign it to the wild red, white and blue flowers and their particular repugnant scent.

Pilgrims, who manage to make it up to the lake and take a cleansing bath in its icy waters claim they can see Shiva’s reclining image beneath the surface.

We kept wondering, how the majority of pilgrims would do it when there was rain and the slopes became as slippery as Hell: one missed foot and you could go beyond the cliff, even eagles would find it difficult to find your bones later!!!

Ours was a more or less philosophical pilgrimage combined, personally, with a visual one. My friend had an i-phone, I love my D-SLR. Another friend was only thinking about a downhill on his mountain bike. Anyway, we did it and found the journey to be awe-inspiring. It made me more humble in many ways, and taught me my limits as a human being.

While climbing up beyond 3600m, I could feel my fingers and toes slowly go numb with a tingling sensation and so did my face. I knew I could take time at a lower altitude to acclimatize and do it safely but time was in short supply. So, I rather chose to do it fast: climb fast, and descend fast. I did exactly that and found my friends still climbing up when I was climbing down to the safer altitude after paying homage to the Old Man under the surface of a frigid lake.  I had given them a spare torchlight and I waited below, straining my eyes every now and then. I was planning to organizing a rescue party if they were not to show there by the evening. And I heaved a sigh of relief when they showed up late, but just before night fell. I was happy to see everyone safe and sound although one of my friends coughed dangerously. I was alarmed but it was now safer, far far safer than above 4000m.

My friend, despite suffering from lung and respiratory problems (it was already there before the long strenuous accent, and we thought it was just a cold) is safely back in Kathmandu where advanced medical help is available for her treatment and recovery.

I still cannot fully comprehend how I did it. That, indeed, was a pilgrimage along the trail of poisons.

[Text by the author, with help from Lara Burmistrova. All photographs by the author. Images related to planets and/or their related positions belong to their respective owners. Sourced on-line and used for educational purposes only.]

Bell Jar, Sylvia Plath and I

The Bell Jar, Sylvia Plath, and I

“Suicide does not kill people, depression does.”

The world appears free. People move with their daily chores. Someone is laughing in a street corner, someone else is chatting with a girl nearby. A couple is seated at the table, enjoying drinks, and talking about something; the girl laughs, and by the look of it one can imagine he just said something funny to her. Some people just whiz by on their bicycles, chatting. And a couple passes, hand in hand, talking to each other in low voices that is just not audible.

The lawn changes, transformed by the blades of grass that shine with the sun and swing with the wind. The leaves of the trees change colour as the seasons pass by. People change the expression written on their faces with the emotions that beat within their hearts. There is love, there is hatred, there is understanding and there is ego; there is hope and there is care, there is also dream and there is frustration. There is bitterness but there is also the satisfaction of victory.  But, but…

Bitterness is not a medicine, loneliness is not a cure of internal suffering. A good company is neither replaceable nor can be found with searching: it needs to happen. The hands of time and the rhythm of the ticking must match in harmony for the correct alignment to take place. And when that does not happen one loses the right path, one loses hope, one loses the purpose of life.

I am caged within the confines of space-time, and my wanting or not wanting, wishing or not wishing, trying and struggling produce no meaningful meaning. Emptiness remains emptiness, bitterness remains bitterness, and loneliness behaves adamant. 

But what appears on the surface and what feels within are two completely different things. The inside and the outside seem to merge together as if in a continuum whereas the invisible wall that separates the two is always present there, as an invisible barrier for the continuum to continue both within and without. And that is the bell jar.

And while Sylvia Plath confessed that she attempted suicide more than once, more than even two or three or four or five times, I have tasted  that desperation only twice. And if I choose to pick up a third time, it will be over, I know for sure.

It is just an easy comparison: a fly trapped inside an inverted glass perhaps might feel the same way as a human trapped within the confines of circumstances beyond recognition, beyond comprehension, and beyond the power of one’s influence. Despite the unending struggles one has made, and one is still making, many things remain that simply do not change: some wounds never heal, some broken pieces can never be glued back together. And while Plath imagined her life confined within the transparent walls of a bell jar, I find mine as fluid and dynamic as the fish in fast running water. She could not escape out into freedom, I am finding it impossible to swim against the currents of bitterness. That is perhaps humanity in-between us that makes us the same: similar experiences shared across the stretch of space and time within the influence of similar circumstances. And just like a caged bird, I want to be free just as Sylvia Plath wanted to be, just as water always wants to be… and then escape. It does not matter where, but what counts is if…

[The image of the first edition of "The Bell Jar" by Sylvia Plath has been taken from wikipedia, is fair use under United States copyright laws...  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Bell_Jar and the direct link is https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Belljarfirstedition.jpg .]

Faces of Emotions

Faces

Emotions are fluid: they melt, they flow, they solidify, they harden... It all reflects upon the conditions we find ourselves in, the experiences we gather as life progresses. Sometimes we cry, sometimes we get angry, sometimes, we feel pain, bitterness, angst... and sometimes we really feel over the moon. Sometimes we show it, sometimes we don't. Some of our faces reflect the emotions swelling inside us, some of us don't, and yet it is universal: suffering is what makes our emotions flow. We do not intend to, consciously, but subconsciously we let it go, we let it express on the outside.

We let it flow, we let it drop, we let it freeze, we let it pour, we let it drip, one by one, we let it swell, splash, crack... against the inevitable in a fit of bitterness, we let it melt again, and again...

We yearn for something, we hope, we dream, we plan and yet we live our lives without choices: life is the strange bird which flies with the wind. It knows how to beat its wings but it cannot go against the flow. No way! It cannot be dictated, directed, channelized, controlled: it just happens. The flow then, in a sense, dictates how its wings beat. If there were such a market where emotions could be sold and bought, if it was really possible for such a market to exist, what emotions would you have? What would you choose? What would you go for?? Which one would you want to feel???How much would you pay? How much would you give, how would you bargain, on the Emotic Street of life???

.............................   ***   ............................

FACES

(7 September 2004)

In the market place

where everything is sold

beyond all bargain

are faces on display –

rich face and poor face,

glad face or sad one,

dark or light, young or old

stare wide and plain.

State your choice

and take your way.

Which one would you buy?

Beyond the crowd

of ignorant men

away from the scene

are faces on display –

hard face and soft face,

loathsome or lovely,

artless or guilty, humble or proud

inquire again and again.

as you choose

so you pay.

Which one would you buy?

In that canvas of life

where appearance deceives

and sympathies vary

behind the black curtain

are faces on display –

dead face and live face,

sweet face or bitter one,

welcome or hostile, pleasant or angry;

Which one would you love?

Which one would you see?

Here in this market 
come and buy me, me, me! they say.

Hopeful or forlorn, beautiful or ugly,

familiar or foreign

faces to play –

false one or true face

wait upon, wait again

for another bargain;

take your pick

and carry away.

Which one would you buy?

..........................   ***   ...............................

(This composition first appeared in the anthology Dandelion in 2006. The one appearing above has been slightly edited and altered for the purpose of clarity. Copyright reserved with the author.

The image used in this post is a photo montage created by the author using some of the author's google plus followers. The final image has been flipped and inverted. The author thanks and apologizes at the same time for including some and not including others in the montage due to space constraints. No harm intended in any manner, whatsoever.)

Healing The Heart

Healing The Heart

I am really tired: tired of the way life has to be dragged on. I sometimes wonder whether it was a really bad day, a really bad hour, a really bad time I was born to feel like this. Maybe the planets, the constellations were misaligned exactly at the hour I was born. I really wonder at the mysterious forces that have not worked for me, ever, the way that would have made me feel otherwise.

What would I do to change? Hhhmmmmm....!

I ponder upon various outlets from this impasse. I don't really like to live here: I would love to quit. Let all things be as they choose to be: I would really love to hit the road!!!

I calculate. How much would it take for me get a bicycle and travel inland? To places? To people? Never staying at one place, always on the move... To feel the pulse of life, to feel the beat, the rhythm, the music that I have lost far behind... If I were to die on the road, it would just be fine. I would have to anyway, somewhere. And if I lived, and if my mind were to change somehow, return back to where I sprouted out from?

Hhhmmmmm.....!! It wouldn't be simple, it wouldn't be easy. A year's journey would mean six months going one way and six months getting back, if I survived the ordeal, the quest of life, that is. And I calculate, that one year's journey would, could, cost anywhere between 10 thousand to 12 thousand... The visa fees, the return expenses, the roadblocks, the detours... the breakdowns and the unexpected... A lot of discouragements along. Yet I aim for the lower figure, of course, and still...

Are there no encouragements?
Of course there are, sure. But it depends on humanity.
It is quite strange to know there are hundreds of different people but only two types of humanity. Those who have cannot offer much and those who don't are simply unable to. It is poverty deep inside the soul, not a physical one, that determines who is who. Yes, I need to go searching in the most unlikely of places to find a good one that really matters. Here is an analogy: if I go into a bank I cannot find any money, for that I need to go to the street. I need to go to the poorest hut to find the richest of people that really matter. And that is what I intend to do. But... 

But... That still would be an unimaginable sum of money; an awful lot... in US dollars.

Haven't counted even a quarter of that sum in my life, carried far far less, ever, seen only a fraction.

How old am I? Well, I have pretty much passed the mid point of my life, I guess.

But the wound needs to be healed, the broken pieces need to be glued back together... The tears need to be stitched and sewn, fixed in some way. The heart has to be brought back to look like a heart, to feel like one. 

Stupid fellow! It's the bike that needs to be bought first, and the gear...!!

Forget it. Not possible.

What then?

Why not share the pieces if I can't find the whole?

Why not feel the heart of humanity if I can't feel my own?

Why not be human?

Why not beat the drum if I can't play the music?

As long as I can. As far as I can afford to. What I have, if I have.  The basic is there: some rice, some lentils, a few spoonfuls of tea, about a cup of sugar, about the same amount of salt, pepper, turmeric, ginger, garlic... a bed, a room, a stove, about a quarter of a cylinder full of gas, a few pots and pans, some plates... a few books, even. The PET bottle that originally contained a familiar cold-drink is empty: sorry, no cooking oil. Most often, there is not enough water except for drinking and it isn't significant how often I take a bath: basically I can go days more, even a week or two, than usual. Does it matter if I smell a little? No...! We all do, and if I can find a spray or deodorant then it can do the trick and save the uneasy feeling.  Somedays I go hungry. But if you can adjust, you can probably find almost anything...

Interested? Come then, and be a part of me, my life. Give some (don't be ashamed, it's a choice, not a compulsion), take some (feel free), we can get along, I suppose. We laugh if we can, if we can't we cry. As long as you are human, as long as I am human...  

May be you know how to stitch broken pieces, how to glue them back together, how to sew... Probably I can fix my heart in your company, if you don't mind.

My couch is available on humanitarian grounds.

What do you say?

(This photo, by George Hodan and sourced from publicdomainpictures, reflects the difficult-to-understand yet universal human symbolism signifying submission, help and forgiveness... No religious bias intended except that of humanity. http://www.publicdomainpictures.net/view-image.php?image=54433&picture=praying-hands )

The Mirage of Happiness

The Mirage of Happiness

[Preface 

It is indeed very difficult, almost impossible, to come back from the dead and it has taken a rather long time. Just a few days back someone had suggested, "You need to 'hook things out', you know... if you can't get it with straight fingers."

"Never learnt to bend (my) fingers like the politicians. Now at this stage in life when my hairs are greying over....," I told him. He giggled but then suddenly I brightened up. "You know sometimes I feel like I'm being lured to the end of the line. One day the Big Angler, instead of finding the bait gone, shall surely hook me up like a minnow or a carp. That'll be the only hooking up I'll experience now, I think," I added.

He burst out to his seams with laughter.

] 

...

Enchained, paralyzed, restricted, caged... I live at the end of a blind alley, if I live at all.

Do I cry over it? 

I do. What else is left there to do except lament over things and events that could have taken a far better turn and might have made heaven possible but instead chose not to.

Is there independence? 

No way! The Bird of Freedom is enchained.

Is there hope? 

A tiny flickering of light is still visible far, far away. That's all.

How do I live then? 

Moment to moment just as I die with every beat of my heart. I don't kill myself outright. I feel like I need to suffer what others can't.

Why? 

I don't know. I just feel it in my head, feel it deep inside.

How can I continue like this? 

There are dozens of ways I cannot continue along. What remains in the end is the only possibility, no? The wind can flatten me down to the ground, crush me. But it won't break the chain, carry me off. And so I remain... where I have been chained.

I oftentimes pull the hairs out of my head, bite hard and swallow harder. It's unfortunate that I haven't gone insane so far but that would have been better I suppose. And yet to preserve my sanity I keep thinking about the possibilities: what would I do if I had all the things that you have? All the opportunities, the doors as well as the windows?

And perhaps that makes me who I am.

Do I not worry? 

I certainly do. If humanity were not to worry about things that could go wrong, then progress would have been impossible and everything would have gone backwards in time. Neither mistakes could have been avoided, nor disasters averted.

There are regrets, sure. When limitations confine you, there are fewer options to pick up, possibilities get reduced. Oftentimes one just has to face it all and suffer hopelessly. But perhaps that is what it is that makes a man(kind). No ego, no pride... Just a humble being with profound realizations that there are many things that cannot ever be changed, many events that cannot ever be undone, changed or chosen.

And these are integral parts of life. And that is one good thing that has to be lived, dull or colourful. As it comes. The question is not what comes but how one faces it. Yes there are certainly ways to stand and face the tribulations like a man(kind).

So, even if it be just glasses of water, let's clink them and celebrate. At least for a moment, at least for the time being, and as long as we're together. 

Cheers!

[The passage or passages presented above are taken from a book by the author. The emoticon has been taken from google search and I hold no copyrights to it: it belongs to the original creator and/or copyright holder who I do not know. It has been used here for purely literary/educational purposes. When claimed, credits shall be duly given/made to the rightful owner.]